04.01.26
Today's headlines
Chuck Schumer loses glasses, quits leadership in frustration
Hegseth and Johnson in suspected tryst. Speaker says he hasn’t read papers, knows nothing about it
Heritage Foundation embraces new mission: socialist revolution
Court orders Trump to pay $3.6 trillion in restitution to everyone
Trump pardons himself, nullifies restitution
Usha divorces Vance
Melania divorces Trump
Sanders invites entire working class to seder
Bad Bunny wins Nobel Prize
Trump dies in golf cart accident trying to crush baby squirrel. World rejoices
Elvis is alive



Wish
side-splitting, too good to believe