04.01.26

Today's headlines

Trump shortly before accident

Chuck Schumer loses glasses, quits leadership in frustration

Hegseth and Johnson in suspected tryst. Speaker says he hasn’t read papers, knows nothing about it

Heritage Foundation embraces new mission: socialist revolution

Court orders Trump to pay $3.6 trillion in restitution to everyone

Trump pardons himself, nullifies restitution

Usha divorces Vance

Melania divorces Trump

Sanders invites entire working class to seder

Bad Bunny wins Nobel Prize

Trump dies in golf cart accident trying to crush baby squirrel. World rejoices

Elvis is alive